Shuffle
by custosCathedra
Summary: Who said senior year would be where everything gets its happy ending? With college incoming, personalities shifting, everything is getting lost in the shuffle. ((Slow-burn, starts at a mild T rating, works up to M moments. Smut, fluff and everything in between. TW: vomit, drinking, sex, possible cheating, etc. Lots of ships! DaveKat, EriKat, EriRox, CroKri, SolNep, CroFef, etc))


"Okay, so I'm about 75 percent sure that this won't explode on us,"

"You've got to be _fucking_ kidding me Strider. He stole my free slurpee coupon. Sure, he's a ass licking dick-wizard, but that doesn't warrant explosives!"

"Karkat, I need you to calm your tits and shut that fat trap. It's a stink bomb. It'll just make his life living hell every time he enters and exits this house for a day or so, won't actually damage anything," he was hyper-focused as he fiddled with some wiring and buttons.

"I can't believe you actually hauled me all the way out here to put a stink bomb on his doorstep. We're going to get caught. I guarantee it," Karkat huffed and sat cross legged in the mulch. They'd been stowed away behind the hedges in front of a certain fishy bastard's home for a good fifteen minutes, "You should have done all the prep before we got here you know,"

"Yeah? Well guess who studied for a test for once after school? This guy. Trying to impress this dork that sits next to me so he lets his guard down. I need my cheating partner again or I'm going to flunk this whole semester. So sorry I tried to be responsible before enacting mad whack shenanigans like this," there was the sound of a car coming down the street and Karkat peeked above the hedge.

"I swear to god if this is them...I'm going to kick your ass," he continued to eyeball it nervously. It was slowing down...

"No way, they had some posh, douchey event to attend. I peeped Eridork's planner in home room this morning. Besides, I'd actually like to see you try. With those precious soft hands of yours," Dave smirked as Karkat let out a groan. This was going to be legendary. Hopefully he was wearing that scarf he wore like a second skin. Making that reek would be a glorious victory.

"Uh, Dave. We should get out of here," Karkat gulped as he ducked down and grabbed Dave's shoulder. If he was caught doing this bullshit he'd never hear the end of it. His brother would have a field day hashing out some biblical speech on why what he did was wrong and his dad would sentence him to hellish amounts of housework.

"Uh, Karkat? How about not. I'm almost done I swear I-" he went to peek above the hedge to see for himself and all he got was the glare of headlights coming up the driveway, "Well, fuck me sideways. Okay, keep calm dude. We've got this. Just gonna set the bomb down and we can dip out the back..." he began to creep away backwards. Karkat could feel his heart pounding, they were screwed.

"I cannot _believe_ you vomited Cro," car doors slammed and a haughty sigh sounded, "Why in god's name did you think it was a good idea to drink all of that alcohol?" there was a boozy groan and retching, "Not on these shoes you're not! They cost me five hundred dollars and require special cleaning as it is...go toss your cookies and...dignity into the hedges," more groans, and stumbling. Karkat was mortified, not only were they going to get caught, they were about to be on the receiving end of what was sure to be exorcist style vodka vomit.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck...Strider...move faster!" he whispered urgently, nudging Dave further over. It was too late, Cronus Ampora's sweaty, forehead was visible from their position in the bushes, this was how it ends. A forehead, fear, and what was sure to be the most foul smelling puke ever. Cronus heaved into the bushes and that was it. Karkat's tolerance for everyone's bullshit was gone. Fuck hiding, being stealthy, he was _**out**. _As he bolted into the night he could hear Eridan's whiny shriek from the driveway.

"DAD! There was someone in the bushes! _No_ , I'm not being dramatic there really was. For fuck's sake, I'm not paranoid, Dad just come on-" he pleaded for his father to come back outside. Dave saw his chance to make it out alive as well, with Eridan being a notorious drama queen and Cronus drunk as a skunk, he'd only truly be fucked if Eridan's father came back out. He stumbled as he got up and as he went to put a foot down to steady himself he felt a click. _Oh fuck._ Dave looked down slowly and there it was. The stink bomb, armed and ready to blow.

"HA! Knew I could do it," he smirked and mentally gave himself a pat on the back for his ingenious plan, but then the stench of rotten eggs leaked into the air. Before he could fully make a run for it the bomb went off. Spraying everything with its scent. Dave stripped off his shirt as he ran, hoping to avoid getting the scent on him any further, but it was to no avail as he tossed it behind him. It'd gotten on his jeans, his shoes...but man it was worth it to see Eridan so shocked and mortified.

As Dave ran further he caught up to Karkat. Catching up to him wasn't hard really, Karkat was scraping by with a C in gym for a reason.

"We fucking did it man!" Dave practically tackled Karkat, the only thing saving them from toppling over was Karkat's tree-trunk like legs locking up in surprise, "Told you!"

"Fuck! You smell horrible. Like if ass and pit sweat had a baby with cancer and just-" he writhed, trying to escape the scrawny strawberry blonde's grasp.

"You don't have to try to make jokes as cool as I do dude,"

"I wasn't trying to assbag. Get off me," Karkat managed to shove him off, "Where did your shirt go?" he nearly growled those words in irritation.

"I ditched it. Do you have a problem with it? Do I look too sexy for you to handle?" Dave flexed whatever lean muscle he had with a grin.

"We have to go get it!" Karkat's eyes went wide. He'd watched enough late night crime dramas to know leaving evidence at the scene was a bad idea. He started off in the direction of the Ampora's house.

"Are you stupid!? Let's just get home. There's no way Eridan will try to find evidence, he's not that psycho," Dave crossed his arms, "Plus the thing reeks, no way in hell am I toting that back to the apartment. Bro would kill me,"

"Just say you got sprayed by a skunk or something, come on!" Karkat began to speed-walk back to the Ampora's with Dave reluctantly in tow, "Turn on your phone flashlight...it's pitch black," he stooped a bit to look through the grass in the field by Eridan's house. It would be hard to miss the bright red sleeves of Dave's favorite baseball-tee.

"Lookin for somethin?" Karkat slowly looked up, "You two are so dead. So what will it be? You're really at my mercy here," there Eridan stood in all his pompous glory. Karkat heaved, he must've gotten hit hard by the stink bomb...or was that just too much cologne. Perhaps it was both. Karkat looked like he was about ready to throttle Dave, eyes like glowing coals.

"Yeah we are, you?" Eridan snickered at Dave's response and tossed something in their direction...Dave's now stink-bomb soaked tee. The boys retched and covered their mouths and noses, backing up a few paces.

"Take it. That shade of red is an atrocious color anyways, been out of style for years," he crossed his arms with a wicked grin, "So you two will be my personal assistants for a week. Includin comin over once or twice to help at home with my chores. Unless of course you want my dad to call _your_ ," he looked directly at Karkat. He knew Dave's near 30 something cool kid brother wouldn't give a damn in comparison to the unholy wrath Karkat's dad could bring.

"Okay! Fine! We'll do it. One week, that's it," Karkat answered rapid fire.

"Dude, you don't speak for both of us. I'll take the call to Bro,"

"Ahem," Eridan tossed his head back a bit, looking at them down his nose, "Either both of you agree to the deal or both of you get the little call to your parents..." Karkat looked to Dave, terrified out of his mind. This, cocky little motherfucking ass-wipe **_better not_ **throw him under the short bus.

"Fine, you get what you want. Per usual," Karkat sighed in relief, for once he was rationa-"Guess you don't want to hear my offer..." Dave shrugged and went to turn around, "See you at school tomorrow-"

"Wait, what could you possibly offer me?" Eridan seemed intrigued. Karkat was just about ready to shit his pants, this was really too much. Handling such tumultuous anxiety had never been his strong suit. Not a single ounce of his stocky little body trusted Dave's antics at this point.

"I've got two tickets to see A Very Potter Musical this weekend, you can have them-" Eridan immediately lost his holier than thou composure. Everyone knew the oh so serious 'I'm gonna be a science major' and 'magic is a farce' ass was a slut for Harry Potter, " _If_ , you drop the charges...kapeesh?" what a power play. Watching in admiration Karkat attempted to chime in, but ended up looking like a gaping fish, unable to find the right words to follow that up. He shyly ran his hand through his rusty colored hair and looked around as they negotiated.

"You know what Strider? I will take your pitiful offer. Deliver them at my locker tomorrow mornin or you will both be toast," Eridan pushed his glasses up his nose with one hand like some anime villain...what a tool. He turned with a flourish and looked back at them over his shoulder, "Pleasure doin business with you,"

Dave smiled, a genuine smile for just a minute as Eridan strut like a flamingo with a pole up its ass back to his house and looked over to Karkat who was watching Eridan intently as if he feared the six foot and change twig to come running back. The blonde put his arm around the shorter boy's broad shoulders.

"And that, is how it's done," there was a glow to his voice. An oddly satisfied tone that made Karkat smile in turn, another rarity.

"You're still a huge dumbass," Karkat paused, "Hey, so why on earth do you have two tickets to see that musical? You're not really even into Harry Potter? Wait, don't tell me you were held at needle point by your cousins?" he laughed, Dave had wild cousins. Roxy and Rose were batshit nuts and everyone knew it, smart as whips, work hard play hard was their motto and they both loved magic and fantasy. Although, one far less than the other.

"No, I uh...just wanted to go that's all," the feeling in the air changed as Dave felt a small twinge of regret. Yeah, he'd bought them their freedom with his little bargaining tactic, but at what cost? He'd been planning this for a few months, doing extra chores and running errands for Bro...scraping together every ounce of change a busy high schooler could to get those tickets. It was going to be special, the- wait. Maybe this wasn't so bad after all. The gears in his head started turning rapidly.

"Strider?" Karkat narrowed his eyes, "Knock knock, anyone home? We have to go home idiot. It's past curfew!" Dave jolted out for a second, making a mental note to touch on it later and whipped out his phone to check the time.

"By five minutes, no need to rush," he chuckled and unwrapped his arm from around Karkat, "I'll walk you home. Bro gave up on waiting up for me last semester," he took the silence as the certain, but albeit anxious go ahead and began to tread through the field to the sidewalk on the far end. The moon was bright, the night quiet, they both smelled gross, but it couldn't have gone better.


End file.
